Prodd, the Happy Hairball
Story by Kuinevi, D1oMo6Y1999
Prodd is a registered trademark of yadda-yadda-yadda-yadda.
It was a happy day at the Neverhood. Everyone was doing what they were all doing. Tramen was fixing the cannon, making sure it didn't go off like it did last sunday, causing a big hole in the side of the Whale's Mouth. This nearly hit the Grumpy-Tree-Guy, causing him to complain even more.
Anyway, Kuinevi was wandering through the Neverhood, in deep thought. The expression on his face was blank, like he was thinking about something important.
He reached KookedKlay's home, the secret fountain, and sat out front. KookedKlay walked out of the fountain, holding Tumby, a blue Klaymouse. He turned around and saw Kuinevi and gasped.
"Ack!" KookedKlay yipped as he saw Kuinevi.
The surprize of seeing Kuinevi unexpectedly caused him to lose balance and land on his kiester. KookedKlay stood back up, rubbing his hurt bottom. He gazed at the sitting Kuinevi.
"Oh, hi Kui." KookedKlay said. "I didn't know it was you."
Kuinevi gazed back at KookedKlay. His eyes seemed empty.
"Kooked", he said in a tired voice, "do I need a pet?"
KookedKlay cocked his head and replied "Why?"
"I dunno..." Kuinevi said back, drawing tiny crop-circles in the klay ground. "I just feel as if there's a big space in me that needs to be filled. Like something's missing..."
KookedKlay looked around, then looked at Tumby. Tumby was busy chasing a little klay bug. He looked back to Kuinevi, twiddling his thumbs. "Hmm... Maybe. What did you have in mind?"
The Byns gazed off and sighed. "Oh... I don't know... Perhaps a Baathakk..."
KookedKlay's eyes widened in confusion. "A baa-bee-hoo?" He asked.
Kuinevi stopped his gazing off, looked back to the Hoodian and said, "A Baathakk. It's a Byns animal. Traditional pet. I'd like one..."
KookedKlay sat next to the Byns, legs folded and his head leaning on his left arm. "Why don't you get one?" KookedKlay inquired.
Kuinevi dug his hands into his shorts pockets and pulled out a rusty coin. "Baathakk cost money. Something that I don't have."
KookedKlay picked up the rusty old coin and popped it into his mouth. Kuinevi watched as the Hoodian began to chew on the coin and swallow it. Kuinevi lowered his head. KookedKlay looked at Kuinevi, seeing him look a little sad. He stood up and placed his arm around Kuinevi's shoulder. Then, he got an idea.
The next day, KookedKlay walked up to Hoborg and asked, "Ho-dad? Could you make auth-ent-ic Byns gold coins?"
Hoborg looked to KookedKlay, rubbed his chin and said, "I suppose. Why do you ask, sonny?"
KookedKlay hid his hands behind his back and, shyly, started slowly rotating his ankle. "Well..." He said, blushing, "I wanna get a pet for Kui."
Hoborg walked up to KookedKlay and placed his arm on his shoulder. "Why, there's nothing wrong with that." He gestured. "What kind of pet does he want?"
KookedKlay tried to remember what Kuinevi said he wanted as a pet and said, "A baa-bak."
Hoborg cocked his head. "You mean a baathakk?"
KookedKlay nodded and replied "Yes."
Hoborg rubbed his chin. A baathakk, he thought, So Kuinevi wants a baathakk. Hoborg turned to KookedKlay and shrugged "Sure. Okay. We don't even have to pay for it."
KookedKlay looked at Hoborg in a strange way. "Are you sure?" said the hoop-head.
Hoborg nodded and said, "Yup. I can just teleport one here. I'm a son of Quater, remember?"
KookedKlay blinked and turned to the window. He looked out the window and saw Kuinevi sitting on Hammerboy's shack, depressed. KookedKlay let out a sigh and turned his attention back to the crown-bearing being. Hoborg cocked his head. "Something wrong?"
KookedKlay shook his head. "Nopey-nope. Bring one over, please."
With that, Hoborg stretched out both his arms and in a flash of light, a small animal appeared. The creature looked like a furball with two feet, 3 toes on each foot, each toe with a long curved nail. It had small, golden eyes and long, sharp teeth. The creature was almost the size of Frenchie and had fur that stuck out in every direction. Hoborg lifted the animal in the air and said "Ladies and gentlemen, a baathakk. Now", he continued, placing the baathakk in KookedKlay's hands, "give it to Kuinevi. I'm sure he'll like it."
KookedKlay beamed, hugged Hoborg and darted out the door, baathakk in hand.
Kuinevi was standing inside the big chip butty, eating the walls depressively. He heard the sound of running, and looked around.
Bursting in, came KookedKlay with the baathakk. Kuinevi looked at the Baathakk and instantly screamed with glee. He ran to the little fuzzball and hugged it senseless. He turned to KookedKlay and smiled "Thank you."
KookedKlay tipped his broken hoop, the way one would tip a hat, and replied, "My pleasure."
That afternoon, Kuinevi spent hours playing with the baathakk. Teaching it to fetch sticks, scratching its stomach, even showing it the basic tricks to teach a baathakk, like break-dancing.
Quee, a fellow hoodian, walked up to Kuinevi and sat by him. "So", he said, "whatcha gonna call him?"
Kuinevi lifted the baathakk and said, "How's Mini-Me sound?"
Quee stared blankly at Kuinevi and replied, worried, "I dunno..."
Kuinevi muttered something nasty in Byns. The baathakk looked at Kuinevi. "Grep! Grep!"
Quee snapped his fingers and said, "Let's call him GREP!"
Kuinevi looked at the baathakk with, of course, a confused look. He said "Nope. Doesn't really suit him... I know! I'll call him Prodd, which means 'Mighty Small'."
Quee shook his head and said, "No. I like Grep."
Kuinevi looked back. "I say, he's named Prodd."
Quee glared at Kuinevi. "Grep."
Kuinevi glared back. "Prodd"
The baathakk merely sat and watched the two hoodians scream at each other for over an hour until he broke their bickering with a loud roar that could be heard halfway across the universe. The two stopped screaming. All was silent in the Neverhood.
The baathakk looked at Kuinevi and yipped, "Prodd! Prodd!"
Kuinevi clapped his hands together. "It's settled. His name's Prodd."
He patted Quee on the shoulder. "No hard feelings?" Kuinevi said.
Quee looked back and said, "None."
With that, Kuinevi lifted Prodd into the air (a la Lion King) and left, waving back at Quee.
When they were out of sight, Quee turned around and muttered "I still think he should be Grep-Grep."