Story by Kuinevi
I know this ain't much Neverhood related, but it's okay. Doos is an anime fan too. So, it's okay. WARNING: This Fanfic holds stinky Human cussing! Read on, if you dare. All the anime titles seen here have things next to them like Ranma 1/2 is a registered trademark of yadda-yadda-yadda. So, I suggest you don't use 'em and stuff.
Kuinevi was visiting Doodles' house, looking through her cupboard. Inside, he found various odd things: Several devices she called "Video Game Systems," a chess set and various other things.
He looked at Doodles, who was sitting on a chair, observing Kuinevi.
Kuinevi then said, "Are these things from that Earth planet?"
Doodles merely blinked and said "Yup! Neat, huh?"
Kuinevi continued to rummage through Doodles' cupboard and said "Huh. Kewl. You know about my experience when I first went to earth, right? How they nearly killed me an' all? Those Eff-Bee-Eye and Ar-mee dudes weren't that nice."
Doodles shrugged and said "Humans are afraid of things they don't understand."
"And they don't understand me?" Kuinevi replied, puzzled.
Doodles squinted at Kuinevi and said, "Well, I would call someone with the head of a Ynt and Skullmonkeys' teeth un-understandable.."
Kuinevi turned around, lowered his head and replied "I see..." He then lifted his head back up and said "I'm going back there..."
Doodles blinked and said "Back where?"
Kuinevi stood up and replied "To Earth. I want to see the Earth outside of its violent, stinky nature."
Doodles shrugged and asked "How are you gonna do that?"
Kuinevi grinned and said, "I have an idea..."
At Hoborg's castle, Kuinevi presented his idea to Hoborg: to go to Earth disguised as a Human.
Hoborg scratched his chin and said, thoughtfully, "Hm...That's a bit of a biggy.. How do you expect to do that?"
Kuinevi put his left arm behind his back and said "Well, I'm made of Klay, right? My plan is to mold myself into human shape and place on a human disguise."
Hoborg continued to scratch his chin. "Hm.. Mold... Mold... Do you want me to make a mold for you, Kui?"
Kuinevi nodded agreeingly.
Hoborg stood up and said, "Okay. Just give me an hour or so."
Kuinevi nodded agreeingly again.
An hour later, it was completed. The mold that Hoborg designed was made. It resembled a great box and nothing more.
Kuinevi looked at the giant mold and said, "Kay...Now what?"
Hoborg waved his hand at the mold, which was now opening up.
"Step inside." he said.
Kuinevi walked, carefully, towards the great mold, which was now open, completely. He sat inside the mold, and shut his eyes. The last thing he heard before the molding began was someone going, "Hey, what's this button do?"
When Kuinevi opened his eyes, he was still him, only in the shape of a 205 lb Human.
His wings were carefully tucked behind his back, and his head was smaller, in an oval shape. Kuinevi looked at his Human shape and said "Keen!"
He then folded his arms and said "Okies, I'm ready."
Doodles tapped his shoulder and said, "Kui, you... sort of need some more add-ons."
Kuinevi gazed at Doodles and said "I do?"
They continued to work on Kuinevi. They gave him a Human mask with holes in the eyes, a reasonably big nose, but not really big, a frizzy-crewcut hairstyle, a handle-bar moustache, an oval shaped head, sunken cheeks and white skin. Then, for clothes, he was given black gloves to hide his hands, dark glasses, a trench-coat, boots, businessman-like-pants and shirt, a tie and fancy cufflinks on his coat sleaves.
Kuinevi looked at all his adjustments and said, "Well... I look dumb."
Doodles gave him all the requirements for being a Human: little pieces of colored paper called dollar-bills, a card that said "Viso" or something on it and a card with his picture on the cover and beside it, said "Drivers License". Kuinevi was then ready to enter the Human world. All he needed was a name. And it would be: Richard Kuinevi. Kuinevi didn't know exactly WHY his name would be Richard, but he went with it anyway.
He then was brought to a portal to the Human world somewhere under the floating chunk of land. Kuinevi then looked at the portal and asked "Will this hurt?"
Doodles patted him and said "No worry, Kui. You be okies."
Kuinevi nodded and said "I'm off."
He then walked into the portal.
Kuinevi closed his eyes, and when he reopened them, he was in an alleyway. No one was around. He looked left, and he looked right. No one. He decided to begin his journey around this place called Earth.
Wandering the streets of Earth, which were crowded with Humans who were talking to one another, he saw buildings with letterings such as "Coffee and Whisky" and "For sale" or "Da Tool Shed."
All these names were foreign to him. He then was confronted a raggedly dressed man with a white beard who said to him "Hey, man. Got any change? Hey c'mon, guy. I need to get wasted and fast."
Kuinevi shook his head and said to the man, dissapointedly, "I'm sorry, sir. I have no 'change' on me."
The old man went past him and said in a low voice, "Ah, screw you, then..."
Kuinevi blinked stupidly at the man who went past and continued on his way.
He walked into a store that said "Videos R Us." Inside, he found only 2 people in there: a large fat man with a tatoo on his arm that said 'Mother' who was sitting at the counter smoking a cigar. The other man was talking to the fat man at the counter. He was a dark-skinned man in a nicely taylored suit.
Before the dark man left the building, he said to the man at the counter "Alright. See ya later, Rufus."
The fat man whom the dark skinned man called 'Rufus' looked to Kuinevi and said to him "Hi, mac. What can I do for ya?"
His voice was gruff, with an odd accent. Kuinevi looked around the building and said "Uh..could you show me 'round town?"
The man removed his cigar, placed it aside and said "Sorry, don't walk that way."
Kuinevi continued to look around the building. He eyed several tapes that said things such as 'Twister,' 'Jurassic Park,' and several other types of names. He looked to the man at the counter and said "Hey, uh, what are these?"
The man eyed him in a way and said "They're tapes. You've seen tapes before, right?"
Kuinevi blinked and said, "Uh...I've been out of town."
The counter man coughed and said "Heh, a joker. I like it."
Kuinevi blinked and said in a puzzled tone "Huh?"
The man shook his head and said "Fergit it, guy."
Kuinevi looked at one corner of the building and saw some of the tapes with excellent artwork on them. He went to read them. They had titles like "Ranma 1/2," "Fushigi Yuugi," "Childs Toy," and "Tekkaman Blade." Kuinevi looked to the counter man and said "What is this magnificant stuff?"
The man replied "It's anime. Stuff from..uh..Japan or somethin'."
Kuinevi lifted up the beautiful tapes and said in a nervous tone "C-c-can I borrow these?"
"BORROW them?" The man guffawed, "Hell, you can KEEP them."
Kuinevi's eyes lit up with joy! 'Keep? For real?' He thought. He then darted to the door laughing and giggling like a school girl. The man stopped him just as he reached it and said, "Hold it right there, fruity. First, you gotta pay me for these tapes."
Kuinevi turned around and said "Pay? Like in gold?"
The man shrugged and said "Uh.. yeah..."
Kuinevi searched through his pockets. He found no gold. He then pulled out the colored pieces of paper and said, "Uh....will these work?"
The man took the papers from Kuinevi and muttered, "Man..yer stupid. Don't even know what money is... I bet he wouldn't know Bill Clinton if he kicked him in the nads..."
He then gave Kuinevi back some of the papers and a few coins and said in his normal voice, "Here's yer change.. Hope y'know what THAT is.."
Kuinevi picked up the papers and coins and said "Ah, good. Now, I can give these to the elderly one."
The man cocked his head and said "Elderly one?"
Kuinevi nodded and said "Yes. There was a poor old man who wanted some 'change' so he can get 'wasted.' I hope he's happy with this."
The man at the counter stopped him and said, "Two things, bubba: 1) Don't trust anything dem bums say. Their full of it. (2) Ya gotta give me yer signature, just in case you wanna come back here again."
Kuinevi blinked and said "Um..okay."
He then took out a scrap piece of paper and signed his signature on the paper. Unfortunately, it was in Byns. So, the counter-man couldn't read it. The man looked up and said "What the HELL is this?"
Kuinevi instantly needed to think. If he knew he was an alien, he'd be attacked by those Eff-Bee-Eyes. He looked outside and saw a window with a picture of a place, and in bold letterings were the words "CANADA."
He then turned back to the counter man and said "Um...I'm Canadian..."
The counter man said "Oh...I get it...You're from Canada. Well, sorry, but you gotta sign your name in American. Know what I mean, eh?"
Kuinevi chuckled and re-signed his name, in English. The man picked up the paper and said "Ri-chard Kee-nev-ee. Odd name.."
Kuinevi corrected the man and said "Uh, it's pronounced 'Kwee-nev-eye.' Okay?"
The man nodded and said "Uh-huh..."
Kuinevi waved to the counter man and said, "Well, I have to return to my own dimension, now. Bye."
The counter man waved back and said, "Uh, bye.." He then said under his voice, "Only in New York..."
When Kuinevi returned to the Neverhood, people were amazed at what he brought back. The precious an-i-me was accepted by many people in the Neverhood, including Doodles and several others. And so, every Friday night, Kuinevi would sit down in front of a klay screen and watch the anime for hours on end.