The NeverhoOd: Hall of Records



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Arven is a sleek and fast being who created thousands of beings from the first moment he was given a crown. Besides his crown, there is an aerodynamic fin off the back of his head because he is so fast.

His style of creating is fast: get in, create, get out. He does not keep account of the worlds he creates nor the beings he creates to inhabit them. Quater made Arven quiet, serious, lean and efficient. Arven has spoken only once to some of the beings he has created.

Quater wanted to make a being who would fill up the rest of creation with more worlds and planets and beings. Arven does not even take the time to create beings who will be creators themselves. Arven now has seven worlds that his beings inhabit:

NORDO is a world consisting of a group of seven planets, each with a civilization of its own. The inhabitants of each planet have a distinct mythology with the common element of the seven planets fighting amongst each other. But they never do in reality. This makes the various races of the seven planets fear each other intensely, though there is no real need to do so.

The seven planets are:

Idsnak - inhabited by the Skullmonkeys. Skullmonkeys look like monkeys with skulls for heads. Skullmonkeys spend the whole day chasing each other in a nervous, hyperactive way. While Skullmonkeys would love to scare the young of other civilizations, they can not, for other worlds are not accessible to them. For this reason, transportation research is a primary concern of the smarter Skullmonkeys. Alpha Jaw, the leader of the Kingdom of the Skullmonkeys, hoped to have a spaceship of some kind built to fly to planets full of youth to scare.

One day while Alpha Jaw busied himself with detailed plans of a great ramp to launch a great rocket, his assistant Hairy Jo climbed down the great fort and decided to rest at the watering hole. Hairy Jo drank deeply from the pure waters and looked at himself in the still reflection. He poked his finger in his ovicular foramen and wondered what it would be like to have flesh on his head.

"I am very ugly." thought Hairy Jo.

This was an odd thought since most Skullmonkeys have no concern for appearances.

"For this reason I will cast myself into the water, and live no more." he said, then jumped.

His body made a loud splash and he felt the cool water touch every part of his body. His hair grew deeply saturated with water until all of the air bubbles wriggled their way up to the surface. Hairy Jo exhaled and sank even deeper, far deeper perhaps, than any other Skullmonkey had ever gone before. Weightless, he refused to move or struggle. Dark waters surrounded him and he thought about his youth. Hairy Jo remembered a particularly unpleasant day many years before when he was just a lad-Skullmonkey receiving his lesson from an elder named Low Jaw.

"Many are the hairs on our backs," said Low Jaw, "and likewise are the number of Skullmonkeys in this world."

Hairy Jo looked up to Low Jaw as a father figure. For weeks, Hairy Jo followed every move Low Jaw made. If Low Jaw went into the forest to forage for nuts and grubs so went Hairy Jo. If Low Jaw tended to his garden, so did Hairy Jo.

One especially warm and beautiful day Hairy Jo was on his way to Low Jaw's cave when he saw a great crowd gathered around the entrance. Many Skullmonkeys were howling to show their mournful state. Low Jaw's wife was the gloomiest of all... she was like a brittle fall leaf blown into a corner. Hairy Jo pushed his way to the front of the crowd demanding to see his mentor. Low Jaw gently swung by his neck, hung from a braided piece of cloth his two children had made. His children were the first to find him in this state. The peculiar thing that Hairy Jo recalled, was that he had shaved himself completely naked.

Arnod - inhabited by the Rrs. Rrs observe other planets and civilizations hoping one day to apply all that they have learned to their own civilization. This is not likely, however, since they find comfort in research and are terrified of application. Rrs are extremely advanced in the arts of the mind which they use to read other beings' minds. Every other generation in the Rrs' lifeline produces an Omega Rr. Omega Rrs have such superior mind control that they can use their minds to form physical doorways between worlds. This has been outlawed by Arven, and only because Quater brought this to his attension. But the Omega Rrs were not stopped until after they had moved a few Ynts, Skullmonkeys and even Rrs to other planets.

Ba'ak - inhabited by Half-Skullmonkeys, who are half Blue Ynt. Called "Blue-Ynt-Skullmonkeys" these beings look just like White Ynts since the mating of a Skullmonkey with a Blue Ynt causes a loss of pigmentation in the offspring resulting in a Blue Ynt that appears to be white. There is no other visual effect on the offspring from the Skullmonkeys, though their behavior is more like that of a Skullmonkey than the community-building Blue Ynts.

Guhrli - inhabited by Proto-Skullmonkeys. These pitiful beings have to bury themselves up to their necks every night in the rich Guhrli soil to keep from dying of dehydration. They can only eat HoBread, which can only be made by grinding up the largest Wx and adding them to HoBatter before it rises. (Arven corrected all of these limitations in the final design of Skullmonkeys.) Guhrli has a monthly orbit that floats so close to Wx that the Proto-Skullmonkeys can harvest the plumpest �Wx for their HoBread. Due to the Proto-Skullmonkeys' tie to the soil of Guhrli every evening, colonizing Wx with Proto-Skullmonkeys is not possible.

Wx - inhabited by Wx. Wx are fat, furry and yellowish in color. Wx reproduce asexually and often, which would create an overcrowding problem if they were not harvested each month by the Proto-Skullmonkeys.

Hapsborg - inhabited by one Rr and one Skullmonkey who became best friends. The Rr's name is Rrheostan and the Skullmonkey's name is Mazzimoast. Their first year on Hapsiborg was one of confused emotions. Because of the myth of the seven planets fighting amongst each other, Mazzimoast and Rrheostan feared each other, but they were lonely and longed for companionship also. Rrheostan, behaving in perfect Rr fashion, wanted to study Mazzimoast and all of his habits. He spent a lot of time following the Skullmonkey's tracks to see where he went, examining his feces to see what he ate, and climbing up trees to see where he lived. They found that helping each other was their only chance at happiness and survival. While they were extremely productive during the first hundred years of friendship, they now just sit in front of their houses swapping grossly exaggered stories of their first year together.

Yanko - inhabited by the followers of Mai Kea. Mai Kea was said to live on Hapsborg, though in reality he did not exist at all by any known records. Yankites (beings of Yanko) find pleasure in making intricate art works for Mai Kea. Perhaps the greatest works of art known to Quater are made in Yanko. It is for this reason that no one has the heart to tell the Yankites that Mai Kea does not exist.

The other six worlds that Arven made:

PLASMO is an enormous cloud of beings, each too small to be seen by the naked eye. Rrs have projected their minds there.

ALFATIC - is the world of the R'Goss. Each successive generation is born bigger than the previous. As the R'Goss of each generation get into their senior years, you hear tham making statements like, "These punks think they're so big!" or, "When I was your age, we had to stand on a chair to get the fondue pot down from the top kitchen cabinet."

The houses of their ancestors are not usable for the newer generations; they just can not fit through the front doors.

ALPA FAMALPA is a world where the adults are ruled by their children. The children send the parents on time-consuming, frivolous tasks that keep the parents from doing anything but what the children desire. One might think that a society like this would collapse in anarchy. But to satisfy each whim of their children, the Alparense (or parents) constantly develop new technologies. For instance, when a child, looking up at the evening sky, said, "I want to see what that white dot is, up there!" and threw a fit, his Alparense worked night and day till they invented a telescope. When other children saw it they all wanted one, so a telescope factory was built. In similar ways, advances are made throughout Alpa Femalpa.

Alpa Femalpa families have from one to three children, rarely more. One child, being childish, may say, "Yes!" when she is asked if she wants a baby brother or sister. She does not have the ability to realize that she will have to share command of the Alparense with her sibling, since the Alparense must be obedient to all their children. That child will not be fooled again if she is asked a second time after the birth of her sibling. Later, when the new baby is old enough to answer, the Alparense may be able to ask him while the older sister is not around (and if she has not already warned the boy of the danger of a third sibling) if he wants a baby brother. If a third child is born into the family, the older two will rarely ever let the Alparense out of their sight; this prevents the Alparense from getting the chance to ask the youngest if he or she wants a baby sister or brother.

As a favor to Homen, Arven made the world FLIMBY for the White Ynts. Most of the White Ynts were taken by Arven so the Blue Ynts could live in peace once again. The White Ynts depended on the hard-working, resourceful Blue Ynts for survival, since the White Ynts are shiftless, no-good bums. To survive being in a world with no Blue Ynts, the smarter White Ynts (called "Rogling") conned the not-so-smart White Ynts (called "Habling") into "converting" into Blue Ynts. Here are some tales of the Rogling conning the Habling into being Blue Ynts:

One night, Papto, tired of wandering in the woods of Flimby, saw the light from a window of a treecutter's cottage. Papto did not have his own cottage because he was too lazy to build one. He thought to go to the cottage to see if the Ynts inside would let him stay, so he went to the door and knocked.

The treecutter's wife opened the door and said, "Shoo! I don't let anyone in while my husband is not in the house" Go away, already!" And she slammed the door in his face.

Papto was hungry, too, and he had smelled the dinner cooking in the cottage while the door was open. He looked around for something to eat and saw a discarded Gflutoburger box on the roof of the cottage. He hoped there might be a Gflutoburger still in the box, but if not, even licking the Gflutoburger sauce from the bottom of the box would be delicious. After quietly making his way onto the roof, Papto found a hole in it through which he could spy on the wife of the treecutter. Obviously the treecutter was too lazy to fix the hole. When he peaked through the hole, Papto saw a beautiful table set out with a savory junk roast, klootifish, and wine. The treecutter's wife and the county tree censor were seated at the table ready to dine.

Now Papto heard the treecutter lumbering home just then, and so did Mrs. treecutter. The treecutter was as nice a guy as you would want to meet, but his one quirk was that the mere sight of a county tree censor put him into a fit of rage. And that was why the censor was paying a neighborly visit to the wife, because he knew that the treecutter was out; and the good woman would therefore fix up the best vittles she had. As Papto watched through the hole, she threw everything on the table into cupboards and drawers and hid the censor in a trunk she used as a coffee table.

"What are you doing on my roof?" the treecutter asked Papto. "You'd better come in and eat dinner with me and stay in the spare room."

Papto brought the Gflutoburger box in with him, but kept it out of sight. The wife acted very glad to see them both and set the table and gave them each a big bowl of Toriweet (a gray, tasteless paste). Papto's mouth watered thinking about the junk roast, klootifish, and the other delicacies he had seen. He brought his Gflutoburger box up to his ear and opened and closed it a few times.

"What have you got there?" asked the treecutter.

"Oh, that's my Gflutospirit-guide," answered Papto. "He says don't eat this Toriweet, eat the junk roast, klootifish and other things he had a Gflutospirit hide in the cupboards just now." "Super!" exclaimed the treecutter, who jumped up and found all the wonderful food which his wife had hidden there, but which he thought the Gflutospirit had brought forth. The wife of the treecutter dared not say a word, but put all the food on the table. Now Papto put his box up to his ear again and opened and closed it.

"What's he say now?" asked the treecutter.

"He says don't forget the wine behind you in that drawer."

So Papto and the treecutter enjoyed the wine also. The treecutter wanted to see the Gflutospirit this guide used to provide these wonderful things.

"Can the guide conjure the Gflutospirit here for us to see?" asked the treecutter. "I wouldn't be troubled about looking at him; now that we finished off that wine I'm kind of loopy!"

"But of course!" said Papto. "This guide does whatever I tell it to do, don't you?" Here he nodded at the Gflutoburger box in his hand. "He says 'Yes.' But the Gflutospirit is very ugly; we might puke if we were to look upon it so soon after eating."

"So who's afraid of a little barf? What will he look like?"

"Well, you see, he'll look just like a county tree censor."

"Gah! That is ugly! I must tell you, I go into fits of rage when I see a county tree censor; but I'll be okay knowing that it's really a Gflutospirit."

So Papto opened the box and whispered into it, then he put it up to his ear.

"Very well." said Papto. "He's in the trunk you use as a coffee table. We may go look at it now, but don't let it out of the trunk!"

"Help me hold the lid." said the lumberjack. And they all went over to the trunk where the wife had hidden the county tree censor. They opened the lid and peeked in; then the treecutter slammed the lid closed.

"Wow! He is ugly! Yuck!"

After that, they agreed they needed another drink. They opened another drawer and found another bottle of wine.

Much later, the treecutter said, "You must sell me the Gflutospirit-guide in the box. Ask as much as you want. I'll pay anything."

"No, I could never do that," said Papto, "just imagine what I can use him for!"

"Oh, I do so want that Gflutospirit-guide so much! Oh, please, please, please, please, please, oh please, pleeese, oh please, please, please, please, oh oh, please, oh please, please, please, please, please, puh-leeease, please, oh please, please, oh please, please!" cried the treecutter; and he kept on begging.

"Well," said Papto, at last, "if you promise that you and your wife will pretend to be Blue Ynts for the next three years for me, then I will give you this Gflutoburger box."

"It's a deal!" said the treecutter. "But you must take that trunk with that Gflutospirit that looks like a county tree censor away with you; it gives me the creeps!"

When Papto left in the morning, he took the trunk. On his way, on the other side of the woods, was a very deep river. The water rushed by under the bridge he was crossing and the river thundered in the quiet of the forest.

"Whew!" said Papto. "I'm tired! This trunk feels like it's full of my brother's weights. I think I may as well throw it in the river, and if it floats home to me, great; if not, no big deal."

Then he lifted one end of the trunk, just a little. "No!" cried the censor from within the trunk, "let me out first!"

"Aaaaaah!" screamed Papto, pretending to be frightened, "The Gflutospirit is still in there! I'd better throw him in fast, so he'll drown!"

"No, no, no!" exclaimed the censor. "I'll be a Blue Ynt for you for three years if you let me out."

"I could do that!" said Papto. And for the next three years he did not lift a finger.

Not much is known about ELBEETO, except that it is a twin of Flimby, and that it lies on the far side of a huge gulf of yellow plasma. Space currents momentarily blow the yellow plasma away, revealing Elbeeto to the patient observer.

SUMP is a world consisting of a group of hollow planets that exist within each other. Including: Outer Junn - inhabited by Wx, about a million times as many as Wx itself. Because there are no Proto-Skullmonkeys to harvest them every month, about one half of the population is crushed to death by their collective weight.

Mezzo Abbernun - inhabited by Abbers. Abbers suspect that there is a world above their Outer Junn Floor Sky, because of the occasional Wx carcass oozing through a crack or hole, but this is an unproved theory to them. Some Abbers have drilled their way through the Mezzo Abbernun to find Inner Abbernun. These travelers, however, never returned to the surface to tell what they found. This has prevented most Abbers from attempting the journey but a few hundred have.

Abbers fall into three castes. The first is the intellectual, inquisitive caste called the Frankites. The second is the warring Abbers called the Dazzites. The third is the religious caste called the Ee's. The Frankites spend their time in pursuit of knowledge about the other worlds of Sump: Outer Junn and Inner Abbernun. The Frankites are not respected by either the Dazzites or the Ee's. The Ee's accuse the Frankites of messing with their religious mythologies. The Dazzites think the Frankites are a bunch of sissies. The Frankites developed the theory of a world above their Outer Junn Floor Sky because of the occasional Wx carcass oozing down through a crack or hole. The Abbers have no way of reaching the Floor Sky, but a drop or two of the disgusting, rotting flesh of the Wx's from Outer Junn sometimes trickles down. The Frankites have developed a science out of the study of stuff that falls from the sky. They have formed theories of what the world above must be like. Theories of a world within theirs are called the "Crankules Inner Abbernun Conjecture" after the Frankite named Crankules who is said to be the first Abber to say, "I wonder if there's a world within our world?" The Frankites have lead expeditions into caves, crevices and holes in the ground. Most expeditions run into dead-ends; the ones that do not have never come back to report what they found. The Ee's say this just confirms what they have known all along, that Inner Abbernun houses a Door to the Other Side. Although a few Frankites say there are no doors, most agree that there may be something like a door somewhere in the universe. The Dazzites consider the Frankites research into doors their only useful function in society.

The Ee's spend their time in pursuit of the knowledge of mythologies. Some Ee's follow Father; some Ee's follow Quater; some Ee's follow Arven. Some follow Father and Quater; some follow Quater and Arven; some follow Father and Arven. Some Ee's follow all three together: Father, Quater and Arven.

Most Dazzites want nothing to do with a Door to the Other Side. They would be very interested, though, if someone found a door to another world that they could conquer.

Abberwabbee is the notable high priest of the Ee's. Kapangdazz, chief warrior of the Dazzites is plotting to assassinate him due to Abberwabbee's doctrine of peace which threatens the Dazzite warrior lifestyle.

Inner Abbernun - which is said to house a door to the other side. All of the Abber cultures have a mythology regarding the door and a special name that identifies that mythology. Here are some of the more popular mythologies:

Lipocarrutherrs - The door is all around us. This is the mythology of the door amongst a small group of Frankites, called the Ricks. They believe that the door is just a natural consequence of the evolution of all living things. They are fond of going out to the Eubendy forests and hugging the Eubendy trees. Ricks desire to become one with nature, then, they believe, they will be able see the way to the door. Until you become one with nature, they say, you cannot hope to see as nature sees. And, according to the Ricks, nature sees all.

Winthrrop Ballyhoo - We have already gone through the door. This is one of many mythologies found amongst groups within the Ees. This group within the Ees calls itself the Marffees. They believe whole-heartedly that there is a door, but they also believe that all have passed through the door in one instant sometime in the past. The Marffees say that since we are all on the other side of the door, there is no need to look for it.

Shempocalrrisian - Each of us has a door within himself / herself. This is also a mythology from a group within the Ees, call the Shempocalrrisianites. It is said that Shempocalrrisian found the door, but did not go through it. Instead, he ground the door to a fine dust then put the dust into the drinking water of Mezzo Abbernun. Since that day, the first time an Abber takes a drink of water, they are said to have a door to the other side within them. The Shempocalrrisianites hold a water-drinking-rite for their babies.

Rrmbek - We can find the door only when we have tallied up enough good deeds. Strangely enough, this is not another mythology from amongst the Ees, instead it comes from the Frankites. Those of the Frankites that believe this myth are pseudo-scientific and perpetuate the myth started hundreds of years ago by Jabberph. Jabberph was insane, but he was able to string together sentences full of scientific and theological sounding ideas. Those who did not know better and did not want to take the time to research Jabberph claims would say, "Hear, hear!" when he came to their street corner to speak. Jabberph, although enrolled in the Frankite schools, attended class only occasionally. He spent most of his time digging for imaginary buried treasure or counterfeiting money; with the latter he would pay classmates to do his homework for him. It was on what was to be the last of his treasure hunts that Jabberph said he found the scroll of Rrmbek.

Jabberph said that the scroll of Rrmbek explained that if one does enough good deeds one will be given a pair of X-ray glasses with which the door can be found. Jabberph said that good followers of Rrmbek who have disappeared are the only proof one needs to believe the authenticity of the scrolls (which, by the way, no one has ever seen). The fact that they disappeared, Jabberph writes, shows that they got their glasses and went straight to the door. No one has yet been found who can name a missing follower of Rrmbek.

Prrokoschmoko - Life stinks, and then you fall through the door; maybe. This mythology has a small support amongst all three castes of Abber.

Klarrczmun - A very good being made the door long ago and only told one good Abber how to find it. Before he found it, though, he told one other good Abber and thus the knowledge of the door has been passed down through the generations. It is said that somehow knowledge of the door's existence became public, now anyone can find the door, if one goes about it the right way. To do so, one must attach oneself to a good and righteous person to get taken through the door when the righteous person goes through. This mythology also has a small support amongst all three castes of Abber. They are called Klarrczmun by other Abbers. The key here, it is believed, is to staple yourself to a righteous Abber so that when he does find the door and go through, you will go with him. This myth states that an Abber named Klabberz, who lived next door to Toogabberg, thought Toogabberg knew how to find the door. Toogabberg was a very nice guy, but Klabberz thought he was the nicest guy there ever was. Klabberz figured that if anybody had a chance of finding the door it would be Toogabberg. So Klabberz got a very powerful stapler and with it attached himself to Toogabberg. It is said that when Toogabberg found the door and went through, Klabberz went through, too. Therefore, Abbers who believe this myth are always looking for someone who is considered righteous to whom they can staple themselves. If a Klarrczmun is seen trying to staple himself to another Abber by other Klarrczmuns, they also will try to attach themselves. Usually, friends will help get a Klarrczmun off the nice Abber, but if an Abber is tackled by several Klarrczmun, the Dazzite police are summoned to remove them.

Burrntoowie - Arven made the door and immediately declared that none shall pass through it upon penalty of death. He only told anyone about it to taunt them with its inaccessibility.

Flimperrty - The door was brought to Inner Abbernun by Merlopax the Kleptomaniac. There are many legends of Merlopax; he is a folk hero among the lazy Abbers who do not want to be involved in any of the castes. In this tale, Merlopax left Mezzo Abbernun and stole the Door to the Other Side and brought it back to Mezzo Abbernun only to lose it to Merlopaxpax the Con-man.

Appilow Pinsmarr - The door is a gift from Father. There is nothing anyone can do to find the gift of the door, Father himself must show it to you. And then you must decide if you are going to go through the door.

Innagorradavida - One finds the door during the heat of battle, dying a victorious death. This is the favorite door mythology among the Dazzites.

Jyan't Rroeb't - The doorway is all that is real and all of Abbernun is but a dream.

Tingleyspald - The doorway was built by a giant turtle.

Rroy Al - Only 3,667 Abbers are allowed through the door.

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