The NeverhoOd: Hall of Records



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Quater decided to make a being of greater substance than any of his previous creations. Numeron looks like a pile of cubes. He was obsessed with being sensible and correct in everything, following the rules to the letter. Numeron rarely did anything on his own without asking Quater for his explicit directions.

Numeron loved his crown and wore it with much pride - perhaps a little too much pride. He made three hundred duplicates of himself whom he would boss around, all day, every day.

These are some of their genealogies:

The first-born of Numeron was Nabris, a clone of Numeron.

The first-born of Nabris was Thopo Bean the Similar, then Leebda, Masbim, Mishmash, Hamduh, Bim, Dad, Eemat, Juter, Big Eefish, Shiphann, and Hamdeck; These were the sons of Nabris.

And the sons of Thopo Bean were Narmiz, Jok, Gok, Wim, Nyeby, Itchy Itch, Kashi, and Chipchape.

And the sons of Nyeby were Abesh and Naded.

And the sons of Itchy Itch were Haphe, Rephe Macincrog, Adiba, Inkerkrog, and Haa. All these were the sons of Thopo Bean the Similar.

And Numeron was the father of Numeron Junior.

The sons of Numeron Junior were Lee Mimba and Suppanuppa.

The sons of Lee Mimba were Zaphile, Loiter, Sho Horf, Malagasket, and Harok.

The sons of Zaphile were Namet, Ramo, Eye Fez, Maytag, Zanek, Anmit, and Kelama.

The sons of Loiter were Thahan, Harpinbarpin, Ham Mash, and Shasa.

And the sons of Harpinbarpin were Pies, Budd, Labopunky, Noebiz, Hana, Nosh B'Gosh, Reez, and Nashid.

And the sons of Budd were Iroh and Mamoh; and Natol's sister was Annie Nitnitnit.

The sons of Nosh B'Gosh were Alen, Nunnybiz, The, Laybee, Yf, and Mano.

And the sons of Nunnybiz were Hoxokina-Giq and Sot, the nephew of The.

The son of Sot was Noknok. And the sons of Noknok were Narm, Nab, Narthi, and Nar and Reez.

The sons of Reez were Nalbo and Nazazanatab.

The sons of Nalbo were Zuh and Narakatangbaloof.

Now these are the kings who reigned in the land of Hecka before any king of the sons of Numeron Junior reigned.

Aleb was the son of Royendale, and the name of his city was Havtoo.

When Aleb died, Baburno the son of Hywya of Harzob became king in his place.

When Baburno died, Mashush of the land of the Nametites became king in his place.

When Mashush died, Dadah the son of Dadeb, who defeated Nidiam in the field of Baom, became king in his place; and the name of his city was Theam.

When Dadah died, Pe'halloo of Hackersam became king in his place.

When Pe'halloo died, Oowee of Thothot by the River became king in his place.

When Oowee died, Nanahball the son of Robcha by the Sea became king in his place.

When Nanahball died, Dadah became king in his place; and the name of his city was Iap, and his wife's name was Dimethicone, the daughter of Padimate, the daughter of Obenzone.

Then Dadah died.

Now the chiefs of Hecka were: chief Anmity, chief Emollient, chief Thethe, chief Hamabiloho, chief Hale, chief Nonip, chief Zanek, chief Namet, chief Razama, chief Le'nez, and chief Mari. These were the chiefs of Hecka.

Now Numeron paid little attension to the beings he had already made, rather he focused intently on new beings to create and neglect. Numeron made Nabris' brother, Abris, who was a pure-hearted obedient follower, in spite of the fact that Numeron ignored him.

Nabris became convinced that no one could be as good as Abris made himself appear, and he feared that Abris would eventually displease Quater, so Nabris, believing that Numeron was paying no attension, destroyed Abris by breaking-off all of the many antlers that covered Abris' back and neck.

This heinous act did, in fact, escape Numeron's notice, but Quater himself was watching, and he smote Nabris with permanent blindness.

Now the sons of Narcolon, the son of Numeron, were Leemhare, Mah, and Iabulech.

And Mah became the father of Badanimma.

And Badanimma became the father of Noshhan, leader of the sons of Narcolon;

Nashhan became the father of Amlas,

Amlas became the father of Zoab,

Zoab became the father of Debo,

and Debo became the father of Esse;

And Esse became the father of Baile his first-born, then Badaniba the second, Aemish the third, Lenathen the fourth, Iaddar the fifth, Mezo the sixth, Hank the seventh; and their sisters were Huarez and Liagiba.

And the three sons of Huarez were Ashba, Box and Lehasa. And Liagiba bore Muddy-Bingpoody, and the father of Muddy-Bingpoody was Jethro the Nabrisite.

And Muddy-Bingpoody became the father of Bananagrunt, and Bananagrunt became the father of Nosuchluk, leader of the sons of Nodice;

Nosuchluk became the father of Amwhat, Amwhat became the father of Goatphlegm, Goatphlegm became the father of Denturupture, and Denturuptur became the father of Cuptpt.

And Cuptpt became the father of Vque his first-born, then Hiwyekun the second, Tahnana the third, Bizwc the fourth, Iaata the fifth, Ntindo the sixth, Ngoink the seventh; and their sisters were Beachnoodle and Grahamlit.

And the three sons of Beachnoodle were Corpup, Pango, and Quitit. And Grahumus bore Azma, and the father of Azma was Othal the Obscure Prince.

Now the sons of Numero Benti, the son of Numeron, were Leintho and High Harry Hapsicomby. And the son of Leintho was ThatThat. And the son of ThatThat was Ath.

And Ath became the father of Oprah, and Harry became the father of Meesh Kapeesh, for they were craftsmen. And Meesh Kapeesh became the father of Nadarazuben.

Numeron was the father of Ni Ron. Ni Ron became the father of those who dwell in eight-by-fourteen-foot thatched huts and use Pygmy Shrimp Swabs. And his brother's name was N-Ron, who's food had to be pre-chewed by Ni Ron.

N-Ron became the father of all those who celebrate in Numeron's birthday parade, playing the Pinkerkrogg and the Ngtoilibong.

Numeron became the father of Numby.

Then Numeron became the father of Nasak the Great.

And Numeron was the father of Kilfax, who just sat there.

One year, Numeron lost half of his beings off of a cliff. They were on one of their morning marches when the ground fell out from under one of the leaders, and half of the others followed before Numeron noticed their peril, and was able to convince the rest to turn back.

Though one hundred and fifty beings marched straight off the cliff, not all of these perished. Many were some of Numeron's heartiest creations. The two that were the strongest and came through the fall most intact were Numby and Nasak the Great.

The fall landed Numeron's beings in the Trench of Aramoose.

There, Numby and Nasak set up kingdoms: The Twin Kingdoms of Numby and Nasak. This did not go unnoticed by Numeron. He saw that as soon as the surviving beings thought that they were outside the presence of Numeron, they forgot him and his world.

They began their own societies. Numeron observed their wickedness and saw that it was great. Numeron was sorry that he ever made any beings at all.

He said to himself, "Not only do I have to keep cracking the whip, so to speak, over these beings night and day, but to top it all off, as soon as I am out of their sight they forget me! At least I still have one hundred and fifty to keep under my thumb; and believe me I will. The rest of these I can destroy; I'll cause a catastrophic explosion throughout the Trench. That'll show them!"

But Numeron saw that Numby was a blameless creature. Numby was a righteous king; in fact, he was the only being in the Trench of Aramoose that remembered Numeron. (They called it the Trench of Aramoose because of the swit trees that grow there; the actual name of the trench was "Great Canyon of the Ruins of Desolation Number Five.")

He tried and tried for twelve and a half years to remind the subjects in his modest little kingdom about the past, but since Numeron would not take the time to make himself known, they would not remember him.

His subjects thought Numby was a fine king, but they would not heed his warning that their creator would not tolerate their corruption forever.

Nasak the Great, on the other hand, did not think Numby was a fine king. He considered Numby and his preaching about Numeron a nuisance. Nasak's kingdom grew every day, filling more and more of the Trench. The southern sector extended from the wilderness of Zinniflox along the side of Eebisimperut. Then the south side was from the edge of Hapalanche, and the border went westward and went to the fountain of the waters of Neopithm. And the border went down to the edge of the hill which is in the valley of Bonablink, which is in the valley of Buppabumjoy northward; and it went down to the valley of Dycyoonwang, to the slope of the Oonja Wapoong southward, and went down to Boke. And it extended northward and went to Sabboota and went to Soysinga, which is opposite the ascent of Eenta Nina, and it went down to the stone of Ru the son of Lu. And it continued to the side in front of the Left-Handed-Fletchy northward, and went down to the Left-Handed-Fletchy. And the border continued to the side of Hoglah-Doglah northward; and the border ended at the north bay of the Stinky Sea, at the south end of the Helio-Hogma. Moreover, the Helio-Hogma was its border on the east side. And the southern border extended from the end of the Stinky Sea eastward. Then the border turned direction from the south to the ascent of Akakak Inzeeba, and continued to Ziniflox, and its termination was to the south of Radish-Barnmold; and it reached Huzz, and continued to Itzabiggy, even unto the great river that is called "Mifflewimx-the-Uncrossable-Except-in-a-Couple-of-Places-Where-It-Gets-Slow-and-Shallow," and unto the Early Risers Clubhouse. And the border turned direction from Hey Wait to the brook of Ptyge, and its termination was at the sea.

As for the western border, it was the Amazing Colossal Sea, that is, its coastline; this was the western border.

And this was the north border: they drew the border line from the Amazing Colossal Sea to Mount Pephilter. They drew a line from Mount Pephilter to the Hotus-Kelley. Then the border went up to the side of Hntma on the north, and went up through the hill country westward; and it ended at the wilderness of Cannbens. And from there the border continued to Quelp, to the side of Quelp (that is, Reflecklel) southward; and the border went down to Atimantshoe, near the hill which lies on the south of lower Surgurt. And the border extended from there, and turned round on the west side southward, from the hill which lies before Surgurt southward; and it ended at Sour-bead (that is, Sour-knobel), a city of the sons of Meesh Kapeesh. And the termination of the border was at Blightensuch. This was the northern border.

Now the eastern border reached the border of Edupated, southward to the wilderness of Brain-Worm at the extreme south. Then it proceeded southward to the ascent of Quel From and continued to Brain-Worm, then went up by the south of Radish-Barnmold and continued to Larry, and went up to Rebaeton Perchis and turned about to Clarksdil. And it continued to Stew Lumps and proceeded to the brook of Fathering; then the border went up to Burn Dagit, and continued on the north of Undoubtedly Moister, which is opposite the ascent of Surmapleet, which is on the south of the valley; and the border continued to the waters of Housenploop. And the border went up to the top of the mountain which is before the valley of Twisted Balm, which is the end of the valley of Guarantaph toward the north. And from the top of the mountain the border curved to the spring of the waters of Rankness. And the border turned about from Bollixisix westward to Mount Dososky. They drew a line from Dososky to Shemp, and the border went down from Shemp to Reeply Engine on the east side of Hmhmhmhmhm, and continued towards Pylohylodylo (Which means, "I don't think I can put that much in my mouth."); and the border went down and reached the slope on the east side of the Sea of Often Fallen Into. And the border went down to the Fibrilatin and its termination was at the Stinky Sea.

This was Nasak the Great's land according to its borders all around.

His thriving cities were all decadent and vile, but that is what sells - that is what the people want. Thus his kingdom grew, even taking in droves of defectors from the good Kingdom of Numby.

Yet, still not content with his great wealth of power, riches and influence, he coveted the dry, rocky land of the Kingdom of Numby. Nasak plotted a war of conquest against Numby. Numeron saw all of this and knew that Numby's number was coming up. So he paid a visit to Numby to explain the catastrophic explosion.

Numby was alone when Numeron arrived. Numeron wanted to speak with Numby and his wife, Grace, so Numby went searching for her. The basement was flooded, so she was not there. She was in the attic, which in the Kingdom of Numby is called an "Izathelow." So Numby found her there, high and dry. They went together to the patio where Numeron addressed them:

"Numby, I am going to blow up this trench with all these vile beings in it. But I don't want to destroy you and Grace, so I want you to build a treehouse, where you can stay and remain safe during the explosion."

Numeron gave Numby a blueprint for the treehouse and described the exact location of the tree he wanted him to build it in. He also gave him very specific details for the construction of the treehouse. "You shall make the treehouse from weetby wood. It shall be a split-level treehouse with an enclosed foyer, gabled roof, with rough beam ceiling, bay windows in the living room and in the kitchen over the sink. All the measurements are here on the floorplan."

As Numby and Grace worked on the treehouse, their neighbors, who formerly thought of Numby as a fine king, came out to mock the construction of the treehouse.

Numeron had given Numby seven days to complete the construction of the treehouse, and he was nearly finished. By then, Nasak the Great had completed his plans for conquest and his armies were massed and marching toward the capitol of Numby.

Then King Numby and Grace entered the treehouse, as instructed ny Numeron.

Numeron detonated the catastrophic explosion, destroying all the beings but Numby and Grace in the Twin Kingdoms of Numby and Nasak the Great in the Trench of Aramoose.

Now this great explosion had disrupted the deep panels of the world. A hot, green substance belched forth from the cracks in the panels and filled the canyon. Numby and Grace watched as the "Hot Green" swirled around the foot of the tree. They were trapped. Now weetby wood is impossible to burn so they were safe as long as they did not leave the treehouse. Many days passed as Numby and Grace grew hungry.

One evening they looked out beyond the tree and sang a song to Numeron regarding their hunger:

" Noom noom Numeron,
send us food to chew-mer-on."

Numeron heard their plea, and he sent a great bird to nest in the tree in which the treehouse was build. Every morning the great bird laid a giant egg, which landed in Numby and Grace's bed. They gently cracked the eggs open to find five-course meals prepared, complete with a fine linen tablecloth, and brass candelabra.

They lived this way for many days until the "Hot Green" cooled to become just "Green." This new form of ground felt lovely to walk on.

They lived happily for many ages. Grace died one beautiful day, Numby died three days later.

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